The little old lady who lived next door
Was laid down on my kitchen floor.
She looked ok from what I could see
And she asked me to make her a cup of tea.
I hesitated not wanting to be rude.
Should I ask why she was completely nude?
She smiled as if reading my mind.
So I made the tea and wondered why I would find
Mrs Mulligan from number 23
Letting everything loose and swing free
In my kitchen, on the floor;
And come to think of it what is more
She hadn’t knocked or rung the bell.
So I asked her to explain and tell
How this had happened, so undeterred
She told me the strangest story I’d ever heard.
So cross my heart and wish me dead
This is exactly what she said:
“I was in the bath splashing about
When the battery in my hearing aid ran out.
So I hopped out of the bath and to the kitchen drawer
Where I knew I had several more.
But when I checked there was only one there.
So I had one when I needed a pair.
Well I hunted high and I hunted low
Until I came across a second solo.
But I dropped it and away it went
Across the tiles and into a vent.
Well when I crouched on the floor
I could see the vent opened up next door.
The battery was now in your place
And I was determined to continue the chase.
The kitchen seemed to be the correct location
Assuming the battery had ceased it’s rotation.
So here’s something you didn’t know:
Our lofts are joined, sort of free flow.
So I didn’t think you’d really mind
If I nipped across just to find
My hearing aid missing bit
Which seems to be under a kitchen unit.
Well I was lying here trying to see
If the battery which is evading me
Is anywhere here about
When I heard you come in and shout.
Well it was more of a girlish squeal.”
“Whoa. Hang on. I really feel
That it was a natural response to let out a yell
Which was definitely manly, anyone could tell.”
I felt flustered and in retreat.
This ancient adventurer laid at my feet.
“Well anyway Mrs Mulligan, here’s your tea
And next time you need a small battery,
Please get dressed and come and knock
And then I won’t have quite the shock
That you gave me when I came in here.”
“Don’t you worry, young man, never fear,
there will be no repeat that’s for sure.
Anyway, I also have a key to your front door.”