New York

Richard and John and Karen and Char

Went by train, taxi and car

Either to York or to dirty Leeds

From where the Virgin Trains proceed

With plenty of banter along the way

(John obviously had nothing to say)

And tonight when the fab four meet

The excitement nearly knocking us off our feet

We’ll chat and laugh and scheme

As soon we’ll be living the American dream

Rich with his leather jacket in tow

Like an ageing 50-year-old Marlon Brando

Karen who under the weight of her bag

Found her body beginning to sag

Pulled extra items from various places

Then stowed them away in other people’s cases

Well Charlotte has been having a good old bitch

As their seats have been moved but she’s still next to Rich

And will John eventually crack a smile?

Rather in contrast to his pallbearer’s style

But things started to swing the Woodworth’s way

When the hotel checkin declared them ‘guests of the day’

But Char found matters a little less funny

Lying awake with a churning tummy

The flight combined loads of TV and some snoring

By the end of the second film it was getting quite boring

Well I hope the pair in front of us had a comfortable flight

As they lay in our laps, the rude sacks of shite

Next we would take the immigration test

Would Richard be stripped to his pants and his vest?

While we three lined up with quite a few

Rich went to the front and wandered straight on through

Without waiting for the 10 minutes or so

Which basically shows what the rest of us know

I would argue the transfer wasn’t so bad

Although the others worried that we had been had

Concerned that the taxi was taking us the long way round

And we all hope the driver doesn’t leave his mobile lying around

The hotel is good and the Mexican was nice

Until Rich tried the guac and then found out the price

Friday was cold like you’ve never known

So Richard made an addition to headwear he owns

Then Richard and Karen went skating in Central Park

Charlotte and John went to the Frick via a very long walk

After sushi, the nightclub doorman showed some real front

John went to bed rather than deal with the gentleman

Richard also decided to retire to his bed

The girls went drinking and dancing and woke with sore heads

The following day three of us breakfasted on eggs

Then wandered in the sunshine, stretching our legs

Sometime later Charlotte joined in the fun

Altogether we went strolling in the bright Autumn sun

But not a morsel passed through her lips

Until she acquired some questionable chips

For tea we swapped Gotham for very loud pasta

But were rescued by burgers, averting dinner disaster

This morning, to Balthazar, for a breakfast treat

Have we actually done anything other than eat?

And as we prepare to return to the UK

Reflecting on the weekend I’d have to say

That I’ve really had the best time in a long while

With Karen and Rich and Char even I occasionally smile

 

Richard and Char took only one car
Whereas Karen and John took two
We departed together in reasonable weather
After John stopped hiding in the loo

It wasn’t a surprise for the two speedy guys
That John was left eating dust
But there was some consternation on reaching their destination
That he had actually got there first

After a rapid fire munch of a pannini style lunch
We headed on towards CP
on arrival we found the accommodation was sound
And we went out to Huck’s for our tea

At Huck’s we dined twice and the food was quite nice
Although like James it took ages to appear
The poor little lad could neither ride or be dragged
And always brought up the rear

The football game turned out the same
As every other match we play
With simulation and weeping and some suicidal goalkeeping
It was just like watching Wednesday

The Woodworths rule at scrabble and pool
The latter suggests misspent youth
The girls drank white well into the night
The pool room was occupied by the uncouth

The kids hurtled round often hitting the ground
On bikes and scooters without fear
And down shone the sun and we all had good fun
All inclusive in Turkey next year?